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height of the dreams I have ...

I received the news that the blog has been read by those directly concerned, alarmed by the gravity of my words were now worried that someone could read and "misunderstanding" as told, even going to think that I have not had a happy life or my parents have never been up to, and even that I may have a grudge and resentment towards my sweet little brother ...

well, if anyone has read my blog had been thinking all this, I can confirm everything in full:

I never had a happy life, my parents have never been up to and I have deep bitterness and resentment towards the wolf in sheep's clothing, pretending to be my brother when he needs something ...

I've always been alone at all, when it was time to grow, when it was time to learn all that I have never been taught, when I decided to end my life by committing suicide. ..

I've been alone and nobody was interested in me or you ever noticed that the situation was so serious ... have always been all too full of himself to think that maybe I needed someone next to me was an example, a fixed point in mind in difficult times, who could guide me, comfort me and help me grow ...

the only person who knew how to understand and fully comprehend was and always will be my best friend from my much criticized without reason, that Starmie has been able to close all these years in spite of everything, and still near me, even when we do not see or feel ...

and then there's him .. he is so hated by my family every day ... he takes care of me, help me grow and mature, but I stand when sclero especially that for the past 3 years to bear all the falseness of my family, all digs, all malice about him, when in reality they do not know why do not the least They never wanted to do, hiding behind the excuse that he has a closed character .... if they really wanted to know would be made in 4 to find a way to avoid saying the worst things about him on a purely free, dodging adequately every opportunity meeting ... like Christmas, where I, with the naive hope that we can feel that they belong to a family if only for a few hours, I thought that we could all eat together, we all went out for Chinese food and me and my boyfriend we had lunch at another table !!!!! Yes, because my brother did not want to keep our own table, and none of them has crossed my mind to object ...

I was just stupid in all these years to think that I have something wrong, to think that

my light

could be obscured by individuals so pathetic and miserable, thinking that my life had no value ...

it's time to stop being subjected to psychologically people who just want my bad, because my light will never be overshadowed by anyone, because I have all it takes to create me at a future of dreams .. and I have to be happy at last!

If this were to result in complete detachment from who causes me pain, so be it ... so is what they want: one of them could enjoy his money in peace, the other could finally free themselves from weight of the child sent by his father to "be able to live his life," and your child as acclaimed by all, could finally feel in control of everything and do what he wants from morning to night ... would be a great final for all of them, but always forget that life is a spinning wheel, and that eventually the money will be useless compared to solitude, to live their lives selfishly becomes unsatisfactory in the long run by generating a great sense of emptiness, the owners do with another's property only attracts people who take advantage of the situation which does not really care about you and the first difficulties vanish ....

but I am certainly not that I have to teach them that everything knows how to live their life ... I just have to learn from all this, to avoid making the same mistakes and to try to be a better person ... why should my light to shine back, why did done all these years, and will be so powerful that anyone who moves to dazzle me!

PS if I write a blog "public" clearly means that I have considered the possibility that someone reads what I write ... so anyone happen on this page is perfectly free to draw their own conclusions and if he wants to continue to follow the blog! :)

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But what people around there?

Days agitated.

We're leaving home to go into the new mansion on Via del Linaiolo (Linajolo). In the meantime we try to replace the old rooms. To be honest I have not done much (they are immersed in the research of the thesis), but I got to experience the pleasant "experience socio-anthropological" to answer calls of aspiring tenants. Illustrate the variety of "human cases" would be impossible, I will transcribe only three telephone calls that most annoyed me.

Here you go.

Case number one: caring mother who calls instead of the demented daughter who is afraid to call.

PHONE: RIING! RIING!

-ME: Hello?

-ANONYMOUS: (Voice of adult women) Marco? Are you Mark?

-ME: No ma'am, are Michael, tell me ... [But who the fuck is this?]

-ANONYMOUS: Mark is not there?

-IO [vo ch And on Mark! You Home ...] Lady if the home can also mean me ...

-ANONYMOUS: Ahh, okay! But the individual is free? My daughter and her friend go to do medicine (he says with a tone of pride). It is connected with the hospital to the home? "

-IO: [But your daughter did not have the language? Yo, the sewer rats have eaten?] The rooms are free and the home is well connected with the hospital [Fa medicine your daughter?! You know what I'll fuck?]. He wants to come and see you lady? [Come on come on! For students of the polyclinic is perfect!]

-ANONYMOUS: Yes yes, we are concerned. But if there are males in home? It is a mixed house?

-IO: [!!!] Yes sir, there's another guy in the third single ... The house would be mixed. [Now the houses are sexed ...]

-ANONYMOUS: Ahh then ... No, that is the friend of my daughter does not want to stay at home with boys.

-IO: [Sisi ... just her friend!] (Rest silent)

-ANONYMOUS: (desolate voice) So if they do not do anything . Sorry for the inconvenience. Good evening!

-ME: Please, Lord! No problem, I understand ... [I know I'm crap! Fuck you! So your daughter is not even a virgin ears! Trog!]

Case number two: the respectful boyfriend.

PHONE: RIING! RIING!

-SIGNED: Yes?

-SICILIANO (very marked accent) Hello, I'm from Sicily, I wanted to know if the room is free?

-SIGNED: [To me, you can also call from Ulan Bator (Ulaanbaatar)! What is the problem?] It is free. Will you go see it?

-SICILIANO: No, I am now in Sicily, can you describe me?

-SIGNED: [What the heck is so detailed ad!] Yes, yes! No problem! (Describe it).

-SICILIANO: I would be fine. Just one thing: there are girls in the house? No, because I am rrespetto boyfriend and my girlfriend does not want to live with other girls. Do you understand me?

-SIGNED: [I understand that some dickhead! But everyone here call?] No, there are no girls, no problem, you can feel comfortable [so do not worry that you ugly fucks no caveman], the other single is empty, but if you want you can choose a boy. [But those people!] Then when you want to see you again? [Like hell we come and stay here!]

-SICILIANO: Yes, okay, but I do not know when I get ...

-SIGNED: [cocks and sti! Mica is waiting for you!] Okay then, try to call when you're in town. Hello!

Case number three: a student who does not want a house in 'boy male. "

PHONE: RIING! RIING!

-ME: Hello?

-RAGAZZAGIOVANEeFRIZZANTE: Hello! Called for the room! Study in Law!

-IO: [Law ... Really cool!] Yes, tell me ...

-RAGAZZAGIOVANEeFRIZZANTE: (Silence)

-IO: [Why do I need to talk?] Tell me that you wanted to know?

-RAGAZZAGIOVANEeFRIZZANTE: No, I read the ad, I just wanted to know if I could come and see?

-IO: [What you waiting for?] Of course! When would you come?

-RAGAZZAGIOVANEeFRIZZANTE: Even now!

-IO: [Finally, someone who at least come to see the house is blessed!] Okay! I'll wait ...

-RAGAZZAGIOVANEeFRIZZANTE: (hesitant tone) Could you tell me who's alone at home?

-IO: [Madonna! It's a nightmare!] Two rooms are available, and the third is a boy.

-RAGAZZAGIOVANEeFRIZZANTE: Ah, I understand, but it is a young boy?

-IO: (Silence) [What the fuck you in the pumpkin? to know if a girl girl?]

-RAGAZZAGIOVANEeFRIZZANTE: I understand, I'm sorry but I did not want to live with young boys, I'm sorry. Hello!

-IO: [...] Please! [I'm still co boy boy!]

is this possible in the Europe of 2010?

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one who stole my light forever

A couple of previous posts I mentioned that you would talk about " one who stole my light forever ...

Well, this is one of the most delicate and difficult subjects to talk about, but also one for which I have suffered so much over the years and why I continue to suffer even today ...

The person of whom I speak, came into my life 18 years and 41 days ago, no one had called since he arrived and has always destroyed everything he touched, or better yet, all that was mine ...

From the day we learned the news that he would come, all that was around me and as I was concerned, he began to black out ... and when did everything get so dark no one noticed that most of my presence ...

From outsider to the facts, it may seem I'm exaggerating and that, as I was always told, is all a figment of my imagination and unnatural fraternal jealousy, but it is not and it has never been ...

remember too well when they were small, he pretended to cry and then scold me for doing that smirk, or when he saw that I wanted particularly to a toy or a puppet, made of everything to break it or ruin it (for example, I remember that we had received in gift of a red remote-controlled car and I often play and he just does not amuse me, decided to throw the good toy down from the balcony, and lived on the 4th floor) ... also very

often went to my room to rummage through my things and if he found something he liked, he took it without ceremony and maybe it gave to other people ... so never had any respect for me and my things, or rather has always sought in every way possible to give me the sins of all ...

but my own, since he came into the world, have always been mesmerized by him and his lies and did not want to see the truth ...

now he has 18 years, education, zero, zero values, but lies and rudeness to the nth degree, and despite even my now need to come to terms, he remains and will always be the "son special , the most in need of care, gifts and anything else ... because he will always" sell better "me, with my family, with friends, with people who do not know ... he will always be the poor man who had no affection and that is so for a lot of reasons that are far light years from the simple truth that he takes pleasure in making others feel bad .... sure, I have to admit that sometimes (very rarely) behaves decently, and then, believing in good faith, give him a chance, and then another and then another, hoping that sooner or later put opinion, but the simple truth is that people do not change ... but there are people who may not understand this ... never

maybe in time, wisdom will allow me to forgive him and all those who have caused me suffering ... but this way is fraught and full of obstacles ...

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Considerations

I'm back to continue telling my story ...

Today rummaged through my things while I found many memories: my diary (and I have really a lot), my drawings, letters that every time someone wrote to me, and even greeting cards Christmas guarded over time, dating back to elementary ... the particularity of these now crumpled cards of recycled paper and photocopied, was that each partner had to write your honor ... of course I found so many "you're funny", "you're sincere" and "You are educated" (which at that age then they would not say much) but I also found the tickets that I had done my teacher and my teachers, whom I wrote:

- I appreciate you: your precision

- I appreciate you: your professionalism but also your smile;

- I appreciate you: the serenity with which to address the difficult times.

Well, I think it's a bit 'unusual that a child under 10 years of age is defined precise, serious , serenity in difficult times (at that age should not even be there), and it makes me wonder why these qualities are not appreciated as they should have never been ...

Even now, I can consider myself an adult, I find every day that do not pay and these qualities are not appreciated by anyone, even if you are serious, precise, clear in dealing with difficult times, you're considered a geek and a loser, and you'll never become because nobody in this world are rewarded only those slimy, false, using other people for their own purposes and that every day of their lives trying to diminish as much as possible just to feel their large ( when in fact I'm nobody). But this is life and we must come to terms with each day, gritting his teeth and fighting long as it is a bit of hope inside of us and before our soul to face the facts that it can not do anything and fell asleep in a eternal sleep without awakening.